I lost the attribution for this quote but it is on my mind as I am now single again. I pray G*d will help me to cope.
""Yesurim (suffering) is such a part of life; no one is free from it. It doesn't affect everyone equally or at the same time, except during major crises such as wars, G-d forbid. But, everyone pays their dues at some time in their life, and if not in this incarnation, then in another.
There are different purposes for yesurim. The main purpose, according to Kabbalah, is called tziruf v'libun (refinement and whitening). Everyone knows that yesurim has the capacity to make people stronger and refine them, and it tends to act as a vehicle for purification (whitening) of their soul. True, yesurim can, G-d forbid, break a person, but that is only in extreme situations, when that itself is the necessary tikun for the person.
Thus, the Talmud, when addressing the issue of yesurim writes:
Rava, and some say, Rav Chisda says, "If a person sees that sufferings have come to him, let him examine his conduct, for it says, 'Let us search and try our ways, and return unto the L-rd' (Eichah 3:40). If he examines and finds nothing [objectionable], let him attribute it to the neglect of the study of the Torah, as it says, 'Happy is the man whom G-d disciplines, and whom You teach from Your Torah' (Tehillim 94:12). (Brochos 5a)
Hence, yesurim is a mode of communication between Heaven and man. It is first and foremost an excuse to do a Cheshbon HaNefesh (Soul Accounting). It is difficult for us to know if our present state of Torah observance is the most that is expected from us, from our Creator's point of view. We can be underachieving and losing valuable opportunities to maximize our portion in the World-to-Come, so the yesurim become a Divine wake-up call to re-examine our level of mitzvah performance. ""
