Often during the Amidah, if I am schuckling, I find myself chanting lines from one of the Sim Shalom's many alernative passages. "Set us aflame, set us aflame, set us aflame, with the passionate piety of our ancestors worship."
When I repeat this in my soul, my despair at my own and all the world's impiety is consumed by holy fire. The passion is in every heart. Yet we all to often throw it after beauty and pleasure alone.
I do not seek religious ectasy. That ectasy is a tool not an end in itself. The work is to Restore the Soul so that it may take as great a charge of holiness as it can hold. This holiness is for the world.
I often feel disappointed in myself when others don't understand the intensity of my feelings. This is even true sometimes about how good a meal tastes how much more so about prayer!
I thank G*d for my friends, my family, and my community which has let me find a dignified way to completely open up without losing touch.
Praise H'' for his blessings that he shares with my loved ones and myself. G*d whose mercy is unlimited, please sustain us.
