Where does time go!

Where does the time go when we get distracted? I was just cleaning the house and I left off in one room to vacuum. From vacuuming, I went to picking up, then went back to the first room.

You forget what you are going to say. You search for a word. You search for an adjective. You search for a metaphor. You search for an image.

Where does the time go? Where do all those beautiful skies go when your phone just can't get a good picture of them? Why do so many great conversations just flit away from memory like ashes above a fire.

It is all about the sparks. About finding them and freeing them.

Just remember the Truth is easy to recognize. Don't confuse Truth with that which does not change. Truth comes before reason, it giveth reason form. It giveth man not paradise but purpose.

If only we could be turned like a field and all would be right-side up.

If only people would pray with whole and devoted hearts.

Then they would know Prescense is Glory and not seek proof in mere glory!

Then they could imagine an eternity of eternities if only they set G*d yet more beyond it. None can grasp but all are made only because of the design.

Rejoice in his work, Rejoice, Rejoice
Lift your eyes, let the Light of Torah fill them
Lift your voice, let the Holiness of the most Holy fill you
Imagine every shabbat candle and all the darkness they have dispelled.
Praise those who have done so much for him.
Praise Him who hath delivered us from bondage, He who spoke to the Prophets,
Praise the L*rd our G*d. G*d of All, there is no other.
Amen.

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G*d Intervenes in our Lives

What would be the basis of believing in miracles but that G*d does not intervene in our lives? Is not the Torah, is not Sinai, is not the halacos the way to bring his holiness into the world? Don't the avot know him, Didn't the first generation, each a prophet interact. All the prophets we accept as having spoken the word of the L*rd. Intervention.
Also, G*d intervened in my life. He took my chains away. He opened a way that I could approach him in the Torah. It is alive with history of a people always defined by their relationship to him.
Everyday he creates the world anew, every moment is his. Our free will is only nature not above it. His will is above it and when we perceive it it transforms us. Intervention. All the sages of Israel were filled with passion and awe. Our G*d is above nature but he is also in the flesh. He is also intervening so that goodness, right, and holiness fills the world.
I am saying he intervenes. Listen to the Psalms, constantly raising us out of the pit, constantly giving meaning to the creation.

Not Writing on Shabbat but Thinking Deeply

One aspect of Shabbat that fascinates me is not writing. I have written about four times my own body weight in spiral notebooks over the years. Everyday, whether I ever go back to it or not I take notes, I record quotes, I write down words I don't know. I have done so for twenty years.

On Shabbat, when my soul is at peace, I am often inspired or have people share interesting thoughts with me. So it is frustrating not to set them down on paper.

My strategy is I hide my pens!!

Thinking about this though, I believe that everyone probably has certain mitzvot that are easier and harder to observe for themselves than others. What does this imply?

It would be easy to assume that the greater the sacrifice the more holiness, but the corollary is more interesting. Those mitzvot that we observe easily need to be examined more closely.

The way of Torah is not about checking off compliance. It is about the quickening of the soul when it embraces its purpose and the Light G*d has invested into the world. Not for himself has the Torah been given to man but for the sake of man.

The idea that our good deeds manifest in other worlds ennobles man and allows the imagination to be a means to open the heart to holiness. Yet when we join G*d in his work of creation, justice, and goodness we are still not filling a need of G*d but a design. The distinction is only that we need G*d, we need purpose and categorically not the other way around. Yet, we are given the Torah which teaches us about life, about G*d, and about justice.

It is incomparable.

It maybe hard to see that G*d's mercy ultimately gives everything meaning but it is obvious that without him there could be no meaning. Man can put meaning into things. We suffer so much because of this. All heart break occurs when we can't maintain the value we put into a relationship. All war occurs when we can not agree on the value of truth and use blood and might to decide it.

Perhaps, if we examine not just those commandments we have trouble with, but those for which observance comes readily to us, we can grow in spirit.

I believe that we can not be constantly conscious of holiness, but that we can expand our capacity through our thoughtful dedication. Simplicity will follow!!

Take time everyday to pray for those who are suffering and those who believe there is no meaning.

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another issue:

Study has opened me to the idea that human suffering is tied to our purpose, that it is necessary and meaningful that we struggle. I believe we are doing the 'great work.' We are the clay hardening in kiln, the steel under the blacksmith's hammer. This energy and motion is why creation isn't static. Our being is at once a object instance of G*d's total being and our response to creation. Our ability to sanctify and act with lovingkindess expresses the Emunah.

AKIVA

My comments below were a gut reaction. I have since learned that Akiva's martyrdom occurs in Berachot 61. As I know he is in Talmud much earlier. I think I may have been wrong in my approach. R. Nachman (A peerless master) called him "The Master of Faith." I always had a sort of "he is over-rated, he is to pragmatic." view of Akiva. However, his influence on the Chassids is all to the good. Perhaps he was somewhat easier to approach than Moshe who one hesitates to think we can comprehend. Regardless, were it not for Akiva so much would be lost.

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Babylonian Talmud, Menachot 29B

Rabbi Yehuda said in the name of Rav: When Moses went up on high, he found the Holy One sitting and tying crowns on the Holy letters [embellishing each letter with calligraphic marks.] He said to the Holy One: “Ruler of the Universe, who is holding back Your hand?” The Holy One answered: “There is a man who will appear at the end of several generations and Akiva the son of Joseph is his name and he will need these crowns, because from each and every thorn [calligraphic mark above the letter] he will derive scores and scores of laws.” He said to Him, “Ruler of the Universe, show this man to me.” The Holy One said, “Turn around!”

So, Moses went and sat in the back of Rabbi Akiva’s class, and had no idea what they were saying. He became weak and disoriented. Soon the class reached an issue and a student asked, “Rebbe, what’s your source for this ruling?” He said, “It’s a law of Moses from Sinai.” Moses was relieved.

||Comments...
Well, I would note that it is the humble nature of Moshe and the gratification and comfort G*d gives him that make this story powerful. I would argue with anyone who claimed Akiva should be among the seven great ones (Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Aaron, Joseph and David). Akiva is renowned but definitely not comparable to Moshe. Over and over the Torah says "and H'' spoke to Moshe" Moshe's birth, life, and death frame the books after Bereshit. It is into Moshes that the greatness of the Avot flow and so with Israel as a nation.
I think that the whole of the law follows from the presence alone. I think that everything manifests of G*d's being, that his blessing is the alef-beth, that the Torah is so great that Angels and Miracles fill its pages, that justice pours from it lifting the mind and the soul. Reminding us that our noblest purpose is to respond and sanctify, to acknowledge his incomparable works, to fulfill our co-creative purpose and improve ourselves, our community, and our world.

Tune in My Head

Raise us up Dearest G*d so we can be close to you!
In your praise, we can pour out our hearts and every word will be true.
The universe has no empty place for your prescence fills it!
You can redeem with miracles any event, all time is present to you yet
If Israel lives the covenant, holiness can flood the universe. Meaning is reavealed in the doing of Mitzvot.
Holy, Holy, Holy G*d I chant after each blessing of the Amidah.
Blessed, Blessed, Blessed G*d of Sinai, G*d of the Prophets, G*d of the World to Come!!
All our best can not grasp, only your lovingkindess and angelic hebrew revealed something of your design to us.
How can I not burn out contemplating heaven except that its fire is never consumed.
All the stories of Bereshit and of Moshe's life, All the laws of Vayikra given to every individual to better if they can. Our lives complete the Torah and it lights the world.
I believe in the four worlds. I believe that messangers ascend and descend. I believe our actions can rise up to purpose if they sanctify him. I believe in the exceptional beauty of Israels heritage. I reveal in the depth and passion of its history, its ethics, its metaphysics, and its poerty. My response to the liturgy is to devote my life to it. My response to the Torah is to embrace its sanctifing power. To marvel at its incomparablity and laugh at all that has tried to dispute its inmitigated truth. I believe in the words of Aleinu and long for every knee to bend. I cry that the world can imagine our social discourse should be neurotically free of religon. Man's nature is religious. His uniqueness is his ability to reflect. Sciene teaches that we can use this power to master nature. Maybe so but we could never master the author of nature. Science can not tell you why someone likes a painting. We have a soul. A part of ourselves that is one with G*d and we can not make it otherwise. I doubted this. I saw no need for it. I am conscious of how some manipulate it to bad ends. Yet there is and has been a community of faithful who know, by means other than reason alone, that there is something greater. Something we can not explain or decode. The L*rd our G*d, the basis and the meaning of all existence. I sing to him everyday in thanks and praise. So my life is full of his holiness. I realize that all that I have, do, and can do will only add up to the best possible life, if my actions strive to be G*d centered.
I think almost everyone has this realization but only the pious are freed from endless possiblities and achieve lives of complete holiness by the resulting force of conviction and dedication. These engender the manifestation of realities inaccessible except through faith. No matter what people argue about faith it is the only key to the lock holding us in ourselves waiting for the revealation.
Moshe is fully realized. From his birth to his death it isn't about him. He comes into a world and doesn't know who he really is until he is a grown man. His passions and his desire for truth lead him to discovery of self, of community, and then to be at the center of the most important events in human history.
I pray that I can study, daven, and exercise so that I am as strong as possible for my loved ones and my fellow man. I pray that my talents can provide for my family and allow me to be very charitible. I pray that we have good health and peace to enjoy it in. I pray that the world repent and turn to goodness. In G*d is our redemption. Amen.

Set us Aflame

Often during the Amidah, if I am schuckling, I find myself chanting lines from one of the Sim Shalom's many alernative passages. "Set us aflame, set us aflame, set us aflame, with the passionate piety of our ancestors worship."

When I repeat this in my soul, my despair at my own and all the world's impiety is consumed by holy fire. The passion is in every heart. Yet we all to often throw it after beauty and pleasure alone.

I do not seek religious ectasy. That ectasy is a tool not an end in itself. The work is to Restore the Soul so that it may take as great a charge of holiness as it can hold. This holiness is for the world.

I often feel disappointed in myself when others don't understand the intensity of my feelings. This is even true sometimes about how good a meal tastes how much more so about prayer!

I thank G*d for my friends, my family, and my community which has let me find a dignified way to completely open up without losing touch.

Praise H'' for his blessings that he shares with my loved ones and myself. G*d whose mercy is unlimited, please sustain us.

Inspiration Verses Despair

My heart aches with the pain of the world and burns with anger for injustice. Ten years I have watched us slip into deeper fantasies and denial. The last two years the wrath of the G*d of the Torah has been in my thoughts. How could they, how can we not respond to creation with awe and reverence, to its Creator, sustainer, and redeemer with Praise and Thankfulness? Instead we murder, we exploit, and we have apathy. Not able to cope we 'tune out' the sorrow and not able to hold anyone accountable we feel utterly helpless. With so many truths we get lost. Yet G*d is present. Nothing can limit the L*rd our G*d. Though we do not understand that which is greater than us and in spite of our constantly trying to form something greater, we are all insecure about death, our purpose, and even our appearance. We know everything is made out of atoms and we feel we are going to float through endless distances of space in a dark vacuum. While struggling with the unexplainable and perplexing drama of our lives we contemplate thousands of years of history and art, yet still fight the same wars only in greater scale. Yet to H'' all time is present, for him our lives are eternal. Yet we confuse paradise with justice. Everyone having everything is not just because everyone is not all good. Everyone having everything is probably not even a good idea; because then nothing would have any value. That is the crisis I see. Neitzche predicted it and it drove him nutty as a payday. The lack of all discrimination is the end of meaning, the end of the need for thought, and the final fusion back into nothingness. The end. Finto. Yet everyone is fine with that! G*d save us